My friends like to play this game, it’s called “If you had a house but you weren’t allowed to decorate it so you had to assign a friend to decorate each room, which friend would you get to decorate which room and why?”. The title’s a little wordy but the game’s bloody fun.
Because you don’t know my friends and it wouldn’t really be that fun for you if I rattled off why it would be hilarious to see Rhys attempt to pick colours for a living room, I have reinvented the game inclusive of people you may know: celebrities.
KITCHEN – JAMIE OLIVER
Here is a photo of some random in Jamie Oliver’s Kitchen, and a photo of Jamie Oliver, because apparently it is too much to ask of Google to produce an image of the two combined in a decent resolution. On the plus side, look at that lemon handling, what a funpicture, what a fun guy! Right?!
FIRST OF ALL he’s a pro chef. What a coincidence, I love to cook. Probably not as much as him, but it’d be reassuring knowing he’s going to design a kitchen with all the bits and bobs that’ll make me a pro chef without having to try very hard. Probably.
SECONDLY, if you could just throw your eyes back over the kitchen – Jamie’s got it going on. Check out those subway tiles, the herb garden, the exposed brick, the Smeg fridge, the mason jars… Jamie’s just downright trendy, as evidenced by his retro-inspired kitchenwares:
LIVING ROOM – WILL FROM WILL & GRACE
I always found it infuriating that Grace is an interior designer, yet her design taste is just so…off-putting. And Will, well seeing as though Will’s apartment was first decorated in 1998 when the pilot was released and hasn’t severely dated yet says something about his taste. It’s the perfect mix of modern and traditional decorating, not too masculine or feminine. It looks lived in, classic yet eclectic, built up with Will’s gathered ornaments from his travels over time. YES I KNOW IT’S NOT REAL LIFE. YES I KNOW I DON’T HAVE ONE.
I like that leather chair and bar cart combo so much it’s scary.
WARDROBE – ALEXA CHUNG
Yes please. Um, I just want her clothes. Sorry, not sorry.
BATHROOM – REBECCA JUDD
I was going to saying Moaning Myrtle or something a bit silly but I couldn’t not share Rebecca Judd’s ridiculously amazing bathrooms. It’s the simplicity of it all; a neutral colour palette, that’s punctuated with some really bold pieces, like a bright towel or a flash of copper. A real aesthetic treat.
Note to self: Your fern does not look like that. Water fern.
Ferns are living, and pretty, and give that green that your eye just searches for.
BEDROOM – BRAN FROM GAME OF THRONES
Bran might have an incredibly boring story line in GoT but damn, his room is anything but. The boy can style: matching hessian pillow cases, an absolute beauty of a copper mood lighting sculpture, a viking helmet, all those little trinkets above his bed and a dire wolf or two; the epitome of rustic. Just look at the application of TEXTURE: furs, wood, stone, metal. Four for you Bran Stark! You go Bran Stark!
THE HOUSE FROM THE HOBBIT, BUT, LIKE, IN GREECE.
All of my above requests must now be shoved into a hobbit hole (a tall one though, I’m 6”1 (and a half)). The fact that it’s in Greece is a dodgy attempt to make a nerdy 12 year old’s dream slightly more adult and less…nerdy. No offence New Zealand. I’ve always loved the idea of a hobbit hole – so practical and insulated, withstanding the sweltering summers and any brutal winters Greece can throw at it. You can lock everyone out, what you do in your hobbit hole is no man’s business but yours. A white hobbit hole with a big round door that opens up onto the therapeutic blue that is the Grecian water.
Don’t act like you’re not impressed. If not with the Greek Hobbit hole idea than my radical photoshopping skills.
So that’s it. Yes, I’m aware my rooms are all going to clash completely with one another and generally provide a lot of terrible feng shui, but look at all the cool people that designed my house. Can you say that about your house? Did Bran Stark help you pick out a faux fur bedspread for your bedroom?
Didn’t think so.